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What was I Thinking?

Bombs, Grief, and Grace: Living With Loss

2/8/2018

11 Comments

 
When I was a young Army second lieutenant in training for my first assignment, I had to go through a course called “Crater Analysis.” We examined fresh bomb and artillery craters to learn how to identify the source and type of the explosion that created them.
Picture
(Click on photo for source.)
What I remember most about the craters is that they were ugly and ominous: huge holes that scarred the earth. They were hot and still smoking. Shards of steel shrapnel, jagged, twisted and still dangerous,  protruded from the sides and littered the ground. The earth around the crater was scorched black; all the vegetation in the vicinity was blasted. A jagged, ugly, and grim hole in the earth.

Not many months later, I found myself stationed in Germany. Since I was a very junior officer, there were no American houses available, so my new wife and I lived in a little farm village of about 180 souls ten miles outside of Nuremberg as the crow flies. The rural countryside of Bavaria is beautiful, and when time allowed we would take long walks across farm fields, meadows, and through beautiful woods.
​

One day, as we were walking, I noticed that, even though we were in a flat meadow, we were walking up and down. We would walk a few yards, dip downward ever so slightly and then walk upward. The effect was slight but noticeable. It suddenly occurred to me that the source of our up and down movement was old bomb craters.

​Despite the passage of three decades since the round the clock carpet-bombing of Nuremberg in 1945, and despite nature’s skill in healing herself, the craters were still there, their jagged edges softened and covered with new life of grass and trees.
Picture
(Click on photo for source)
Picture
(Click on photo for source)

Many years later, having gone from second lieutenant to lieutenant colonel and nearing the end of my career, my 12-year old son died of brain cancer. The effect was obviously devastating and not unlike the effect of a bomb or artillery shell on its target.


Today, 22 years since my son’s death, I take comfort in the images of the bomb craters.
​

When my son died, the hole in my life, in my self, was like the fresh crater I had seen in training: scarred and grim. In the years since Tim’s death, the hole created by his absence has softened and smoothed over, like the craters in the fields and forests my wife and I frequented on our walks.
Picture
(c) 2018 Larry Pizzi
Picture
(c) 2018 Larry Pizzi
But the hole is still there. And I would want it no other way.
​

I do not want the hole to go away. I am, however, blessed by the grace of God and the friendship and fellowship of family, friends, and community who smooth and soften the hole over the years. Even today, time and grace are healing the once fearsome crater.

When loss is fresh, we wander confusedly and fearfully through the wilderness of grief. But as the Old Testament prophet reminds us, God’s grace works to “fill the valleys and level the hills, [To] straighten out the curves and smooth off the rough spots.” (Isaiah 40: 4, 5)

As we travel through our grief with a loving God, with friends and with family we do not forget our loss. With their help the crater’s scar becomes less jagged, less ugly, less fearsome, but no less real.

That’s the reality of grace, family, friendship, and community.

(c) 2018 Larry Pizzi

11 Comments
Bill Smith
2/8/2018 08:11:31 pm

Larry, I am sorry for your loss and moved by the grace and perspective you can bring to it.

Reply
Larry
2/8/2018 09:00:50 pm

ThanKs, Bill. I hope all is well with you and yours.

Reply
Connie heishman
2/9/2018 09:23:16 am

Always cherish precious memories and know one day you will see him again. God bless you and Wendy

Reply
Larry
2/9/2018 10:00:07 am

Thanks very much, Connie. My best to your family!

Reply
Sandy
2/9/2018 09:56:05 am

Thank you for sharing your perspective, Larry.

My loss of loved ones in the last few years, the most recent being my brother, George, last spring has left a few crater holes in my heart.

I am ever so thankful for the love and comfort from our Lord Jesus, who is able to heal every hurt. As I live and walk through this grief, I sometimes find myself tripping over hidden pieces of shrapnel. It is then that I find myself on my knees once again, begging for eyes to see His goodness - goodness that must be seen in order to keep going; thanking Him for His grace that picks me back up and returns me to walking with Him.

I pray that you continue to live in light of the Jesus that you and Wendy so wonderfully shared with us China kids all those years ago. May God bless and strengthen you for His glory! In His love!

Reply
Larry
2/9/2018 10:03:57 am

Thanks! Your notion of tripping over hidden shrapnel is apt and makes a very good point: Even years later, there are bad days, days that aren't as smoothed over as others. Thank you for making that point!

Reply
Cecelia Weller
2/9/2018 12:46:10 pm

I was a classmate of Mark's and he published the link to your blog. This is a beautiful analogy. I am so sorry you experienced such a terrible loss. Thank you for sharing this.

Reply
Larry
2/9/2018 01:06:10 pm

You are most welcome.

Reply
Larry
2/11/2018 04:00:56 pm

Thanks very much

Reply
Starla
1/1/2019 11:59:28 pm

I well remember your precious Tim. His smile and joy in the face of great challenges is what strikes me. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Reply
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11/14/2022 03:17:46 pm

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    Larry Pizzi

    50 years of photographs and 35 years of keeping a commonplace book. 

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